tengku anggun deandra is my first baby, as how my previous post mentioned, she was born only at 1.08kg. the picture that i put there, that was already nearly 2months after she was born, kira dah besar skit.. but this one, that im gona show to u, is the real picture of her, when she was only few hours after di lahirkan.. tarraaa...!!! ---- >
yup, kepala dia sebesar buah epal, lebih kurang. secara terperinci, her head size is about 24cm, so ukur lah sendiri if u wanna imagine how small she was. at this picture, u can see all those wires and tiubs on her. during this, she was still in ICU, i think i took this when she was only 2days born. only God knows how i felt at that time. seksanya hati ni di carikan2 bila melihat anak yang dikandung, bila dilahirkan jadi macam ni. during that, only thing that i can ask to Allah adalah, 'Kalau betul ini dugaanMu, jangan Kau duga anak kecil ini, berikanlah segala duga dan ujianMu hanya padaku sahaja'..
as a mother, only thing yang buat aku lebih seksa adalah, i cant touch and hold her. doctor tak kasik. shes tooo small at that time. i can only see and watch her. i cant even kiss her.. bayangkanlah.. hati ibu mana yang tak sebak kalau tak boleh buat apa2 pada anak sendiri. frankly, mmg at first i cant imagine how my life gona be if i were to be amother. tak kira lah rancak mana pun hidup seseorang perempuan, tapi bila dah jadi ibu, mesti tersentuh bila tgk anak sendiri.
hampir 1 minggu berada i ICU, later she was sent to nursury, Alhamdullilah, no extra complication. doctor managed to take out the oxygen after 4days, and she can breath like normal. but still they have to monitor respiratory dia, jantung dia and her lungs. they told me that baby premature ada satu sindrom, they call it as Apdnia, which baby boleh terlupa utk bernafas.. hmm.. funny huh?. tapi mmg, cz practically, at this time, she was still in my womb, so baby prem tak biasa dengan keadaan luar which memerlukan dia utk bernafas.
FYI, 3 hari pertama, berat badannya akan decrease few grams, so the first week, when i asked the nurse, beart dia turun less than a KG, cuak tahap dewa but thats normal actually. so imagine, how long do i have to wait until berat badan dia increase till 1.8kg.. fuhh, lama tu. doctor tak allowed to bring her back cz shes too small, so takut kene cross infections etc. at her weight, doctor tak boleh kasik injection pun. so she didnt have any imunisasi pun. . what ive wrote here, adalah sebahagian dari risiko yang ibu kpd anak premature kene tanggung. tapi jangan give up, kene sabar dan support baby kita sendiri.
gambar d atas ni was after 10days, she had sent to the nursery dah. mmg takde oxygen supply needed but she still with her drip supply, cz takut die kering. at this time, she only took 5mls susu using tiub. 5mls tu not even suku ounce. kira satu ounce ada 30mls, so fikirkanlah, betapa sedikitnya susu yang dia minum. bukan taknak kasik lebih, but worried digestion dia tak stabil lagi. and plus, perut dia mmg kecik sangat., so takut takleh accept banyak2. why pakai tiub?.. sebab die kecik sangat, jadi kalau pakai botol feed, dia akan cepat penat, dan kalau dah penat, berat badan pun susah nak naik. ada 1 time, i terwatched the nurse feed her using tiub, Ya Allah, peritnya hati ni bila melihat anak sendiri, terkulat2 mulut dan llidahnya menahan tiub tu di jolok melalui anak tekaknya. she cant cry, cz takde kudrat lagi nak menangis.
Selepas hampir 3minggu, berat badanyya dah increase till 1.3kg, then ony doctor allowed to try botol feeding. Alhamdullilah, masa tu hanya Tuhan yang tahu betapa leganya hati ini. Akhirnya, anakku tak perlu menahan sakit dan rasa tak selesa untuk minum. but still, ada dugaan juga. baby premature ni nak minum mmg perlahan. pakai botol, nak habiskan 1 ounce tu, will take them about an hour nak habiskan. hmm, lamakan, mmg lama, tapi biar saya tunggu dari melihat tiub tu dijolok melalui tekaknya. hamir 3 minggu juga saya menantikan saat untuk memen=gang dan memeluk anak saya. akhirnya, kami dapat mencium dan memeluknya. itupun masih limited cz she still have this drip tiub on her hands. masih sabar menanti, walaupun cuba memujuk doctor utk beri kami bwk balik, tapi masih tidak dibenarkan....
selepas hampir 4minggu, sehari selepas Christmas, hati tak tahan lagi, saya terus mohon perlepasan dari doktor utk beri saya bawa pulang anak saya. walaupun rosikonya tinggi, tapi hati ini yakin, sebagai ibu, saya mampu menjaganya dan mematikannya tidak berjangkit dengan sebarang penyakit.
hmm.. dah lewat ni, ive to go. Ku Anggun saya menanti. ada bnyak lagi cerita nak distorykan, tapi nnt saya sambung lagi.
terima kasih kerana sudi membaca kisah KuAnggun saya ini..
will write then k.
haha. funny.. sebab b4 this i was just helping out my adik beradik buatkan preparation utk anak diorg nye majlis cukur jambul, but its MY TURN pulak... wuhu..
hello there, not sure how many of u have read my blog on regards my baby, but i will keep writing about her.. after nearly 5months raising her and keep feeding her, berat badannya sudah mencecah 5kg, alhamdullilah... thanks alot to Allah SWT. she started to smile. every morning when i woke up, she will give me her first smile ever, and my life feel ssooooo exteremely good. nuthing will make me feel so complete but her smile. Anggun has begun to immitate me while im talking. see.. sape cakap anak tak cukup bulan ni lambat?... thats all bullshit. but of course, u have to work harder. i started to buy her all sorts of toys although some ppl cakap its membazir cz shes a premature, but i just dunt care. one thing for sure, for mummies yang ada anak prem, jgn layan dia mcm budak prem, just treat her like normal regardless her size, her weight etc.. 
